


Texting Darcy

by HKThauer



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bad Jokes, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, One Shot Collection, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-01-16 06:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12337740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HKThauer/pseuds/HKThauer
Summary: I have ideas for things I'm probably never going to expand on. These are completely unconnected, and are presented as text messages so I don't have to write actions, just conversation.





	1. Clint/Darcy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thestanceyg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestanceyg/gifts), [HonoraryDarcylander](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HonoraryDarcylander/gifts).



Darcy: So babe, how much longer do I have to wait before you're home?

  
Clint: mission was extended. Probably another month >:(

  
Darcy: funny story

  
Darcy: you know how things always get kicked under the bed?

  
Clint: what did you do?

  
Darcy: well, I was trying to clean the bedroom, so I crawled under the COMPLETELY UNNECESSARILY HUGE BED YOU INSISTED ON

Darcy: and now my boobs have trapped me here

Darcy: any chance you could come back sooner?


	2. Darcy & Tony

Tony: How did you get Captain Apple Pie to agree to a charity strip show?

Darcy: You can get a supersoldier to agree to just about anything if they're hungry enough and you promise them food. 

Tony: You aren't allowed to hang out with Pepper.

Darcy: What makes you think we don't already hang out?

Tony: prove it

Darcy: She got "if you can read this, you're too close" tattooed on the bottom of her left foot on a dare.

Tony: 0.0


	3. Darcy/Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darcy/Bucky

Darcy: This is definitely your child

Bucky: Didn't know that was under debate

Darcy: Don't you want to know what about our seven month old reminded me of you?

Bucky: Do I have a choice ;)

Darcy: Not really

Darcy: She just growled

Darcy: A very sweet, happy growl


	4. Redoing the Budget (Darcy/Fury)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is for thestanceyg, who got my mind going places, then got them going other places. See if you can figure out which sentence was the actual prompt.

Darcy stretched, crawling out from under the desk she had been hiding under for the better part of three hours. Looking at the owner of said desk, she smirked and quoted his own words from two hours prior in a very poor imitation of his deep voice "’Based on the redongs, I believe that creating a budget involves rolling up shirt sleeves and getting dirty.’ Really Nick?” she questioned, her voice returning to its natural husky timbre, “What ‘redongs’ were you looking at, exactly?” The Director of SHIELD pushed her onto the desk with a growl and ignored her question. 

Instead, he growled “I’m going to show you what happens when you make me stammer during meetings.”

“Oh goody!” The young assistant’s squeal could be heard down the hallway by the two agents leaving the office.

Later that afternoon, Darcy checked her phone and saw two unread texts. One was from her boss.

 

Zombie ipod thief: Next time I tell you to make sure our budget gets approved, I want you to prepare paperwork and statistics to support it. Please assume I’m never going to mean “Go make sure he’s in an agreeable mood and desperate to get us out of the room.”

 

The other message was from her big sister

  
Deputy-Director Pain in the Ass: While I appreciate your attempts to  put the director in a good mood, next time please be out of the office before the meeting starts. I have no need to picture you under my boss’ desk.


	5. Darcy/Spencer Reid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I blame HonoraryDarcylander for this one.

Spencer: Is Tony's offer of asking JARVIS for case-related information still good?

Darcy: Yep. Penelope still sick?

Spencer: Unfortunately.

Spencer: What can you tell me about the earliest knock-knock jokes?

Darcy: I can only tell you that the guy who started them probably won a no-bell prize.

Spencer:...

Darcy: I'll ask JARVIS


	6. Darcy/Nat/Clint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was woken up by chickens out of their designated area today. This is the result.

Darcy: Please slap your bird-brained boyfriend

Nat: Why is he only my boyfriend right now?

Darcy: Because he was supposed to fix the porch door and the chicken fence. He did neither.

Nat: Which ones got out?

Darcy: Little Red and Anne with an E. They were attempting to break in to our bedroom.

Nat: I'll let him know I get first kisses when we get back to the farm

Darcy: He doesn't get anything until the fence and door are permanently fixed!

Darcy: xoxoxox I love you. Bring our boy home safe so I can punish him appropriately.

Nat: Will do, boss. ;)


	7. Darcy/Tony/Pepper

Tony: what's the difference between camping and wild crazy sex?

Pepper: really Tony?

Darcy: Okay, I'll humor you. What is the difference, Tony?

Tony: If you don't know, want to go camping this weekend?


	8. Darcy & Penolope (Darcy/Spencer)

Penelope: You want to tell me why you're so mussed when you looked pristine not 30 minutes ago

Darcy: You know how Spencer was supposed to get to the fundraiser right from the airport without stopping at home?

Penelope: He stopped at home?

Darcy: He stopped at home. Apparently he likes victory rolls and seamed stockings.


	9. Darcy & Tony (or Darcy/Tony)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could be Darcy/Tony, but could also be totally platonic. Your choice.

Tony: HELP! I'M STUCK!!!!

Darcy: You promised not to science today! What suit are you stuck in?

Tony: I haven't scienced! Your son is asleep on me, and if I move, he'll wake up!


	10. Darcy/Clint

Clint: Can I have one of these muffins

Darcy: they're cupcakes. And no. I'm saving them

Clint: if there isn't frosting, it's a muffin


End file.
